Eli, Oh, Eli.
How I love you.
You are always on the go.
You are always on a mission.
You always have a funny face to make me laugh. Or a funny phrase.
But you also drive me crazy.
You have learned to push your boundaries and push my buttons.
I wish I knew what motivates you.
And I wish what motivates you didn’t change so often.
But Eli, oh, Eli. I do love you.
That’s all the pictures. Now I have lots of words.
Its hard for me to put words to how I can love someone so much and the same person can drive me so crazy all at the same time. Being my oldest, I’m learning so much watching Eli grow up. One thing I’m learning is the importance of training my children, but doing so is mentally and emotionally exhausting! I’m spending plenty of time praying, listening to ideas from others, reading, and soul searching. If I’m going to be a parent, I want to figure out what works to save as much money as possible on my children’s future counseling bills! Ha!
One thing we started was positive reinforcement. After realizing that Eli was spending a lot of the day in time out and receiving negative reinforcement, we decided to try someone new. Eli was starting to get immune to being in time out anyway. So thanks to the $1 section at Target, we found an Elmo ink stamp and a Seasame Street incentive chart. Now, when Eli does something without whining, the first time we ask, and/or very kind, he earns an Elmo stamp. When he fills up the paper with Elmo stamps, his reward is getting to hold the paper. To my delight, weeks later, he still looks forward to getting Elmo stamps and holding the paper! So far, so good.
Now we are having struggles with sleeping again. And no, I don’t think the kid is ready to skip nap time. He has started banging on the walls, windows, doing gymnastics in bed, yelling, and my favorite: making ambulance noises. For hours. In the past, if Eli is misbehaving like this during sleeping time, we go in and remove a stuffed animal from his bed. Well, needless to say, after hours of this behavior, he had no more stuffed animals left. This obviously wasn’t working. Now what? Well a good handful of stern talks later, our new plan is that if Eli can go to sleep without us having to intervene to tell him to be quiet or lay down, he can earn a stuffed animal back when he wakes up. But if we have to intervene, he still loses a stuffed animal. And the biggest change: I’m lowering my standards. I know Eli is safe in his room. If he is loud and banging on the walls, I’m taking a deep breath and ignoring it. Fortunately, it isn’t waking Abi up. And I think Eli has been soaking up the attention from these behaviors. We’ve made some improvement with this plan, but only time will tell if this works and for how long!
On top of it all, Eli is having to learn to share. If I hear, “Abi don’t touch that! Abi don’t play with that!” one more time…! Seriously, my patience is being tried! I’m trying to teach Eli how things will work in our house. I’m sending him to play by himself when he isn’t sharing. I’m trying to teach both kids not to take toys out of each other’s hands. I’m trying to teach love and grace and better conflict management. But we have a long way to go. And some days, training and teaching these life skills is very exhausting!
From the suggestion of Eli’s speech therapist, I’ve introduced “table time” into Eli’s life during Abi’s morning nap. This is time when we sit at the table and do an activity together. From coloring to play-doh to games to whatever. The fact is that Eli isn’t very good at sitting. I struggle to get 10-15 minutes of table time before Eli only has a toe left on his chair. Thankfully, the speech therapist said 5 minutes is plenty! I sighed…we are making it! And in praise of Eli, he is doing a little better each week at sitting. He is also a sponge right now and is learning so much! I’ve actually enjoyed that focused time with him every day!
I definitely love Eli more than words can say and am filled with joy as I watch up run up the sidewalk full of energy ten times in a row! I love watching him play pretend. I am filled with pride when he says please and thank you without being cued. I love driving anywhere and hearing him communicate all of his observations. I love his excitement. I love so much about this kid. We are both growing so much right now…just in very different ways! And I’m so thankful for God’s grace!
Very interesting perspective, and yet very challenging. Raising kids is a very important responsibility that God has given us, and we have to make sure we follow through and give encouragement and praise all the time. Don’t focus on the bad behavior, unless it’s life threatening. He’ll eventually learn it’s bed time, etc. It’s fun to teach them things, like alphabets, etc. You and Matt are doing a great job!!
It is wonderful that you and Matt are working so hard on parenting and praying your way through each day. The seeds you plant through this time will bring much joy later. Keep up the good work.
Your honest perspective is encouraging–I’m not alone!!
Kimi – you’re doing just fine. God knew who the best Mommy for Eli (& Abi) would be – that’s YOU! He also knew who’d be a good Daddy for your two kiddos too! Keep the prayers going and know that you all are held up in prayer too. Keep up the good work (cuz it is work!). Lotsa hugs from Ohio!